10 Real-Life Mum Hacks for Staying Sane (ish)

Embrace the chaos, go on dinner dates and don't worry if nothing ever goes to plan.

Happy hump day (aka Wednesday) GORGEOUS Substackers and Subscribers.

Being a mother in the Western world means most of us are surviving, not thriving. We’re juggling jobs, childcare, rising bills, all with zero support network and insane pressures coming at us from every angle. I’m four years into motherhood and I’m sharing a few tips and tricks I’ve picked up along the way to help keep my head a bit calmer and hang on to a shred of sanity.

Disclaimer: You don’t have to agree with everything I’ve written. Motherhood is bloody hard and we each do it differently. These are things that help me let go of perfection, keep the connection with my daughter and allow myself a teen-tiny bit of me time.

P.S Some of these photos are of me and my little one and some are just stock images (to save time and sanity). Not yet put myself in a box of shame, but thinking about it haha.

P.P.S If you like what you’ve read please let me know by dropping my a comment or restacking. And if you’ve got your own tips and tricks share below and let everyone know!

1. Do One Nice Thing For Yourself Every Day.

This does not mean showering or washing your hair (see earlier post about the difference between taking care of yourself and self-care). This could be indulging in your favourite show, catching up with a friend on the phone, grabbing a coffee, eating the cake or going to a yoga class (or the next best thing: an online one). I’ve recently discovered guided meditations (check out the Insight Timer app for thousands of free tracks to suit any mood) and giving myself half an hour in the evening, with some calm music and someone with a chill voice telling me ‘I am enough’ is just the me moment I need.

2. Embrace the Chaos When Your Kids Are Awake.

I only have experience with one child, and she’s four. So I can’t speak for older kids or for those supermums (moms) that have more than one child. But in my experience, it doesn’t matter how hard you try to keep your space clean, organised and clutter-free. When your little one is awake, you won’t be able to. I remember growing up, my parents ran a tight ship and all toys were kept upstairs. We had a huge house and a big garden, so it didn’t seem like a problem. Fast forward, I live in a two-bed flat with a communal garden. It actually works well having everything on one floor since my daughter’s room doubles as a playroom (but so does my bedroom, the living room, and the kitchen). I used to be really anal about it, but I’ve realised I love watching her get creative with her toys. Of course, I step in when she’s about to go wild with a crayon on the walls or spill paint on the carpet, but toys are actually pretty quick to tidy up and I’d rather she used them then not. I make sure we tidy up together before she goes to bed

Top Truth: Don’t worry or feel bad if you adopt the above mantra, but every so often let out a silent scream when you see the mess and demand “Tidy-up time NOW!” That’s allowed too.

3. Don’t Always Default to No.

My daughter sometimes has some wild requests. ‘Can we get a pet elephant?’ ‘Can we live in a house with twenty bedrooms?’ Sadly, neither of those things are happening. But if she wants a movie night in my bed with popcorn on the weekend, I can say yes to that. If she wants to get muddy in the park and jump in puddles from time to time, I can say yes to that. If she wants to take all the cushions off the sofa and build a cubby house, I can say yes to that too. I won’t say yes all the time, but saying yes sometimes brings a bit of magic into her life. Never underestimate how exciting it is to ‘break the rules’ with your little one from time to time, and how good it feels as a parent too.

Top Truth: It’s also totally normal to have days where you run a tight ship and don’t want to embrace the chaos and yes theory I’ve mentioned above. Sometimes everyday feels like a ‘yes’ day and sometimes we need a ‘no’ day as well.

4. Decide on What ‘Fun’ Things You’ll Do with Your Child Each Day.

Up until last year, I lived by the rule that every waking moment with my child had to be spent doing a craft, playing with her, taking her somewhere, chatting away and just always being present. While it might’ve looked like I was acing parenting, it left me with zero time for myself. Now, I do one (sometimes two) fun things with my little girl each day after I pick her up from nursery. It could be taking her to the park, going to the café, playing puzzles (trust me, half an hour can feel like two hours), doing dress-up or following a fun yoga video together. When I set aside time for one or two activities, I feel less guilty when I need time for myself (you know, mum me time which involves doing the laundry, cooking fish fingers, or indulging in some doom scrolling).

Top Truth: I also sometimes have days where I have to get on and can’t do the one thing with my daughter and that is OK too.

5. Use Screen Time.

I know this is controversial for some, but use screen time. As a single mum, if I didn’t use screen time, I wouldn’t get anything done. It lets me clean the flat (so my brain doesn’t get triggered by the mess), gives me some time to myself and gives my daughter a bit of downtime too. In my house, we have two types of TV time. “TV time” is when my daughter watches whatever she wants — usually PAW Patrol or something stimulating. Then, as it gets closer to bedtime, we switch to “calm” telly. These are programmes that are more relaxing and not too stimulating (I’ll do a post on these programmes another day, they really are a game changer). For anyone in the UK, I’d recommend CBeebies over Netflix for “calm” telly. And please, do not feel guilty for giving your kids screen time. If your child is like mine, they spend their days at nursery, doing a million exciting activities. It’s OK to give them screen time sometimes. They love it, and it saves our sanity.

Top Truth: Screen time can be insanely stimulating even if it is calm, so if you’re looking for a quieter bedtime routine try and turn it off well before you want your little one in bed.

6. Take Your Kid Out for a Date.

As a single mum, I have very limited free time. My idea of a big night out might be popping to Aldi at 9:30pm when my daughter’s at her dad’s. Pre-kids, I loved going out for meals, checking out new bars and being a social butterfly. Now? Not so much. So when my daughter started nursery at 11 months, I’d take her out to dinner once or twice a month. Usually, it’s to Pizza Express (I’m now a proud Gold Member) because it’s so child-friendly, the food is carb-heavy but decent and it feels more like a smart place rather than a rundown soft play. If we don’t do Pizza Express, we go for coffee dates. It’s a time to chat, be silly, relax a little bit and work on her social skills. Without sounding like a braggy mum (ugh, I know I sound like a braggy mum) everyone comments on her social skills, and I put that down to taking her out with me to all sorts of places. Plus, taking your child out for a ‘date’ gives you prime bonding time away from stress, mess and the need to cook.

Top Truth: With all the above said nothing is like a fairytale, public meltdowns do happen, so the relaxing meal/coffee date doesn’t always end up that relaxing.

7. Alexa is My BFF.

When we’re at home, my daughter can be playing, watching TV or listening to music on her Yoto, and I put the radio or a podcast on in the kitchen while I clean or cook. It helps me stay on top of what’s happening in the world (even if, sometimes, I’d rather not know all the crap that’s going on out there) or lets me learn something or hear someone’s life story. Alexa is a gem, she just does what I ask and helps me fill my cup while I’m doing other things.

Top Truth: Your child will learn how to use Alexa too, so be prepared for Baby Shark kitchen discos.

8. Plan Playdates.

If you’ve got good mum mates, get the kids together for playdates – whether at yours, the park or soft play. Be warned, playdates can be messy and kids will fall out. If I have the mental energy (which isn’t often), I can handle three kids at once, but these days, I prefer having just one other child over. Less mess, less stress, fewer arguments and an all-round more pleasant time.

Top Truth: Plan playdates, but don’t always feel obliged to be the host.

9. Slow Down at Bedtime.

Look, I don’t want to be one of those people who tells you how to parent, I really don’t. But I’ve realised that even if the day’s been stressful, snappy and unpleasant, it can be redeemed with a lovely bedtime routine. A nice bubble bath, some dancing around in pyjamas to burn off any last bits of energy, then snuggles and stories — it's the perfect way to end the day. It’s also a time to ask your little one about their day, what they’re thankful for, or if anything made them sad.

Top Truth: Sometimes bedtime routines can go to shit I love the wind down with my daughter, but if it’s still going on two hours later I have been known to get a snappy.

10. Stop Feeling Guilty.

It’s natural to feel guilty about everything as a mum. But if your child is safe, loved, fed, tucked up in a warm bed, and falls asleep with a cuddle, you’re doing great. You don’t have to be a perfect parent — it’s impossible. If you had a moment where you snapped at your child, say sorry. Explain why you got upset. These little people understand far more than we give them credit for. Apologising is important — it teaches them accountability and keeps the bond strong.

Top Truth: Not one single mum is getting it right all day every day. We all have our own strengths and weaknesses as parents. Embrace the fun and make time to connect with your little one but also realise that not everything is going to be perfect and sometimes you’ll want to pour yourself a large glass of wine at the end of the day and that’s perfectly fine. Chin, chin!