Taking Care vs. Self-Care: Why They're Not the Same (And Why It Matters)

Check out my cute take-care and self-care downloadable lists at the bottom and start prioritising yourself, you'll feel better for it... promise!

Living my best life ten years ago. Sugar, champagne and a big dose of self-care (everything in moderation, right?)

I feel like I need to start with a disclaimer: I’m not a health expert, wellness guru, doctor or psychologist. I’m just a burnt-out single mum who learned the hard way about the difference between taking care of yourself and self-care.

Growing up, I was always active. I lived in the countryside, where long walks, pony rides and paddling in the river were the norm. Takeaways were rare – maybe a fish and chips Friday, which always went hand in hand with a trip to Blockbuster. My mum and dad both worked full-time, which was quite unusual in the ‘80s, but my mum always made sure we had fresh meals. Junk food was limited to one chocolate bar and one packet of crisps from the ‘biscuit cupboard’ each day. So, up until I went off to University, I was living a pretty healthy lifestyle.

Then I moved out. And, wow, I discovered a whole new world of indulgence. Cheesy chips (how had I never tasted this magic before?), crispy coated chicken burgers with cheese and mayo, nachos, plus Aftershock shots (if you don’t know, Google it), alcopops (seriously, who remembers WKD Blues, Reefs and VKs?) and a ten-a-day smoking habit. I was the complete antithesis of taking-care let alone self-care.

It took me about five years after graduating to get my act together (don’t get me wrong, I had A LOT of fun times). I was a party girl in London, out drinking and dancing every weekend, while my mental health was all over the place and my anxiety was at an all-time high. My waistline was also creeping up, and to be honest, I didn’t like it. So, I decided to sign up with a personal trainer. He taught me how to exercise properly, introduced me to strength training (way more fun than pounding the treadmill) and I got hooked (a shameful admission, my PT was also super hot so it spurred me on to make healthier choices). I swapped my double Jack and Coke for gin and soda water, started eating fresh, healthy food and religiously went to the gym. I had found a solid balance between work, fun and health.

Me at the start of The Yorkshire Three Peaks at 4am in the rain. Believe it or not this was fabulous self care.

Over the next ten years there were a few bumps in the road, but I always got back on track. I did took myself on crazy long hikes and walks at the weekends, I did The Three Peaks Challenge, completed the Yorkshire Three Peaks and even walked a night marathon (ask me about these UK hiking routes, they’re quite impressive even if I do say so myself). I also found the joy in mini trampoline classes (Bounce, anyone?), and I fell in love with boxing and kickboxing. I joined a pretty swanky gym as well with a pool, spa and sauna, which all helped nourish my mind, body and soul.

To me, I was taking care of myself and practicing self-care. Fast forward to October 2020: after a healthy pregnancy and birth, I found myself with a newborn in the middle of a lockdown (thanks Covid). My daughter was perfect, but she was, and still is, an awful sleeper. Over the next four years, I was in full survival mode. My priority was her, and like many first-time mums, I made the classic mistake of completely letting go of taking care of myself.

In an ideal world, we should be taking care of ourselves so we can be in the best place to take care of our children. Don’t get me wrong, my daughter was thriving. I was taking her to soft play after work, co-sleeping, sitting by her side for hours to help her settle, reading her story after story and making sure she felt loved and well cared for. But me? I was neglected, I’d lost all my baby weight from stress, wasn’t eating proper meals and survived on whatever quick, easy snacks I could find (often processed junk).

Every so often, I’d think, "Shit, I need to practice some self-care." So, I’d drink three liters of water, take a shower and wash my hair. But it wasn’t until recently that I realised… drinking water and washing your hair is not self-care. These are basic things we should all be doing just to take care of ourselves.

This Mama loves herself. After a bit of a reset I’m learning the importance of putting myself first.

I had a conversation with a fellow Substacker this morning about self-care and we both realised that we sometimes take a day off “for ourselves” only to end up cleaning the house, doom scrolling or (guilty as charged) washing and drying my hair. With all the gadgets and mod cons we now have that make everything from washing dishes to cleaning the house easier, why is it harder than ever to carve out time for real self-care?

So, I decided to create two lists for my lovely fellow substackers (scroll to the bottom to find them). One for things we should prioritise a ‘taking care’ list, and another for those indulgent ‘self-care’ ideas that feel good, but are so often overlooked. Please download and save on your phone or laptop and try and make sure you’re doing everything on the ‘take care’ list and enjoying doing many of the things on the ‘self care’

2025 has started with taking lots of small steps to taking care of myself (more exercise, more healthy food and more water) and some conscious self-care moments (arranging trips with friends, indulgent bubble baths, treating myself to my favourite cake and trying new things)

Ending with another disclaimer, please don’t feel awful if you’re struggling to do anything. Sometimes life is hard, but I’m hoping these easy to navigate lists my help give you a gentle nudge to give yourself a big, much-needed hug.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on what you’re top tips are to prioritise taking care of yourself and what your favourite self-care rituals are.

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